So here’s the thing, a simple text message boings its way to me on Tuesday evening. It’s my friend Kerry, who I met (it feels like) about a hundred years ago when I worked at WHSmiths after leaving art college. We worked in the ‘Sounds’ department and sold, as you can probably guess, CDs and videos. Pre DVDs – Now, that makes me feel old.
Kerry was cool. I wanted to be her friend, but in those days, in my head anyway, it was tricky for boys and girls to be friends and nothing else, without dropping the “I’m gay” card in their lap.
One night at the local Ritzty, I had to do just that, to stop her friend bouncing on my lap and from that point on, we were firm friends. We meet every year, twice a year and catch up on all the gossip. Kerry is brilliant, because she talks to me as though I was her ‘girlfriend’ and in a way, it’s like free counselling and I get to learn about all the stuff women don’t really talk about outside of their gender.
Anyway, after the text came through saying that we should ‘do food’ the next evening, I knew that she was pregnant. Ta da! Crystal Ball Darren does it again!
Pineapples.
Even though, the subject of inducing labour has cropped up with my other friend Cerian, I didn’t really understand why pineapples would hurry along the birth. I assumed it was probably they same way that pineapple juice induced long cleansing bathroom sessions, like after we’d bought the juicer and had drunk pints of the stuff one Sunday afternoon, but no. She explained that it’s an enzyme in the fruit that is the same type as that found in sperm. Ergh. And also that, the spermy enzyme tricks the lady into opening up all the right channels so that she can get pregnant. Enough said.
It’s been months since I saw Kerry, but last night we met (the first time since she became Mrs) and chatted about everything that’s happened since last May. Obviously, that amount of chat needed some liquid to soothe our aching throats, so we visited a few bars along the way. It was lovely to babble on and get up to speed with each other’s worlds, but I think that we both had the beginnings of colds happening, so today I’m not sure whether I feel hung over or ill or both…
Norwich night life on a Tuesday was pretty sparse really and went from the terminally drunk to the tragically student, but we managed to keep them all at bay.
Why do pubs now smell of old chips, stale beer carpet and bleach? They don’t seem to be the most welcoming of places anymore. Luckily, the company I had made up for that!
After chatting about coffee and bears and Coronation Street, I asked that you join the Gadget Show campaign to Wi-fi the whole country even though Norwich was already ahead of the game. I told a couple of jokes that had been lifted from Internet sources and told you how I’d bumped into a friend from uni days via My Space. I also told you about which red wine I was drinking at that time. Kylie added me as a ‘friend’ on My Space, shortly followed by the Scissor sisters and one of the Bucks Fizzes and Pam Ann, all before I decided to pull the plug on it.
I Googled Christmas, had trouble with woollen Tribbles, it snowed and I bought an olive tree. That takes you to February where, I visited Cardiff and went as far as Land’s End before coming back to a job that had a horrible manager that was about 13 years old. I knew this because she asked me, “How many letters are there in the alphabet?”. I then took in a show, ate baked dough balls and emailed a friend in Oz…, Australia, not Emerald City. Then there was a fire down my street, but it didn’t wipe out a 1970s style shopping complex (more’s the pity), but it was okay as the council had decided to knock most of it down next year and revamp the area. One of the lesbians next door mooned me from the courtyard – except she didn’t realise I could see her and it was aimed at her girlfriend anyway.
Talking of moons, around that time, there was a lunar eclipse and the moon went red. I visited Dunwich, then got tonsillitis, drew a cabbage and couldn’t wait until Doctor Who came back on the telly. Easter happened and Australia had a new season of Kath & Kim and I watched “Snakes On a Plane” which was rubbish. My tomato seedlings were strong enough to move outside even though the rocket seedlings died and I bought myself a new camera.
Mum had an operation and went to recuperate with my sister and I took lots of pictures on my new camera. Father Christmas stalked my house with a telephoto lens and I found loads of cool Pam Ann footage on You Tube and then went to see her live. There was a blackbird singing the “Addams Family” theme tune in the garden and then I went to see “Terre Haute” at the theatre. I visited the Kensington museums and saw Kylie’s hot pants and some dinosaurs and then stayed in the hotel that had some radiation problems just a while before. I didn’t take tea there.
I watched another terrible Eurovision Song Contest and was amazed that even Poland didn’t throw a point our way and bought an Apple TV – which is still a pretty cool thing… My friend told me she was getting married the coming year and another friend got hitched that weekend. I had a holiday and read the new Maupin and then decided that my job needed to be changed. Pam Ann made a comedy ad for British Airways and I carved a pumpkin that won me £50 in a competition!
A marketing company read my Blog and sent me a free DVD to say thanks for posting some Pam related Blogs online and then I went to watch the fireworks. The local gay club was turned into a straight disco for the vacuous blonds of the city and then the Blog turned one year old.
I changed jobs and sang “Top of The World” and I asked you to singalong in a karaoke stylee and then continued the theme by dancing to Viola Wills. I told you about the evil British Banks and their way of making money from you using penalty charges as income, had some lovely coffee and took some pictures of my local riverside…
So what now?, well, last night, an earthquake woke me up!
It’s Kerry’s wedding day! I’ve even trimmed my beard and have got cards and pressie all sorted.
It has been raining non-stop over the last few days… Fingers crossed that it holds out for the photos!
Yesterday, my friend Rich left our team at work to move to London with his girlfriend. It was a very sad day and I will miss him very much. I suppose that it just means I’ll have to spend more time on e-mail! Fab.
“Quickie update…”
Kerry and John’s wedding was a fabulous success and they both looked amazing! We had a great time and it was lovely to catch up with Caroline too.
TV, drizzled with sweet but sharp apple technology and encased in a delicate white coloured box. It’s not just any TV, it’s crisp pictures with flowing streams of High Definition images and music from my PC.
I’m so excited! My WiFi world has gone MAX – We now have AppleTV and said goodbye to Sony and all it’s SonicStage badness. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the Purple Thing Of Beauty, it’s just that it never worked the way it should and it consumed about 2 years of my life, trying to upload and manage the CD collection.
Welcome iTunes, Nano and AppleTV!
The AppleTV seemed not to work properly the day we bought it, as the link to the PC was very flaky – after a stressful couple of days, taking the computer back to factory settings and changing firewall brands, all that was needed was to upgrade the router firmware. Simple eh?
The AppleTV streams uploaded DVDs from the hard drive straight to the telly and all the CDs are now unlocked in iTunes styley loveliness on screen.
Meanwhile, I met with my friend Kez this week for a mid-week, school night drink. It was cool to see her again (the last time was September) and we caught up with all her wedding plans. Fab – and I still made it in for work at 7:15 as planned the next day thanks to the wonders of water and Nurofen for breakfast – Yummy!
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